


Heaven Waits For You

by BumbleBeeBat22



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Castiel, Baby Jack Kline, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Dean gets drunk, Demisexual Pansexual Sam Winchester, Destiel - Freeform, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Sam Winchester, Multi, Nonbinary Jack Kline, Sam changes his last name to Leahy, Screw the finale, They/Them Pronouns for Jack Kline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:01:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29847459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BumbleBeeBat22/pseuds/BumbleBeeBat22
Summary: Two years after Cas was taken by the Empty and it still hurts Dean but he's trying to live his life as best he can for Cas.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 27





	Heaven Waits For You

**Author's Note:**

> To preface: everything happened the same up to 15x19. The finale never happened. I promise to get the chapters out as fast as I can. I'm not going to abandon this.

The loud chime of the alarm clock burst through Dean’s dream, pulling him from his sleep. Without opening his eyes he tiredly swung his hand at the direction of the sound until he came in contact with the clock and switched it off. Dean let out a loud groan as he sat up in his bed trying to shake himself awake before he could drop back down to the warm, soft, comfort of his bed and would fall asleep again.

He stretched his arms out in front of him and opened his eyes to see a big furry creature launching itself onto his bed. Dean smiled brightly as he reached for Miracle’s excitement filled body and wrapped his arms around him hugging him tightly to his chest. Dean only let go of Miracle when he became too squirrely to handle. He moved to the edge of his bed but didn’t get off. The floor was cold on his feet but it didn’t bother him enough to move them.

Dean looked back down at his bed behind him and contemplated falling back asleep but a knock at his door made the decision for him, “I’m still asleep go away,” he reached back and grabbed the empty beer bottle off his nightstand looking inside for any alcohol he may have missed.

The door opened anyway and Sam walked in, “Hey, we need your help on a hunt," Miracle ran up to Sam.

Dean sighed and hung his head down setting the empty beer bottle on the floor next to his feet. Sam reached down and said good morning to Miracle who turned around and walked back to Dean, “Do I have to?”

Sam sighed “It’s just a Djinn. I already have one hunter on it but he would like some backup,” he tossed an angel blade at Dean who didn’t move to catch it so it landed on his bed with a soft puff, “It’s only two hours away. It shouldn’t take too long,”

“Is no one else really here?” Sam responded with one of his looks, “Come on, man, it’s the weekend,” Dean complained. Miracle layed down on Dean’s feet and wagged his tail happily.

“Yes, and you said you would help on hunts when you were off,” 

“I did, didn’t I,” Dean sighed loudly, “Damn it,” he muttered under his breath. Miracle laid her head down on the floor and closed her eyes, “Look,” Dean gestured down to Miracle, “I can’t. He’s trying to sleep on my feet. I can’t move!”

“Come here, boy!” Sam patted their legs which caught the attention of Miracle. He raised his head quickly to look at Sam, “Come here, boy!” Miracle happily got up and ran to Sam. They kneeled down to get closer to his level so they could pet him better, “Good boy!”

Dean watched Miracle in fake disgust, “Traitor!” He said in a gasp, “How could you,” Miracle looked back at Dean, tail still wagging, and happiness all over his face, “Don’t look at me like that. You betrayed me,”

“So are you going to help or not?” Sam asked standing back up. Miracle ran around Sam and out of the room.

Dean sighed, “Alright. I’ll be out in a few minutes for more details,”

“Alright,” Sam closed the door and Dean started to lean back onto the bed, “Don’t go back to sleep!” Sam shouted, their voice muffled coming through the door.

Dean shot back up straight, “I’m not!” he yelled back. Dean looked down at the beer bottle. Leaving his room would mean he would be able to get more alcohol, he only had a few bottles left hidden under his bed. That thought alone made him get up and get dressed.

Dean walked to the kitchen, the slight buzz from the drinking the night before still in his head but it would leave soon enough. He was so used to the feeling he knew it wouldn’t get in the way of anything.

Sam was sitting at the table with his laptop open. Eileen was sitting across from him on her phone. Both of their coffee cups were empty. Dean shook his head, unsure of how they were able to wake up so early every day. Jack was sitting next to Eileen, their small toddler legs swinging from their booster seat. Jack had chosen to be in the body of the age they were as soon as they realized it was an option. They had been like that for over a year but it always amused Dean to see them like that.

“Oh you actually got up,” Sam sounded genuinely surprised as Dean walked in. Dean shrugged and immediately went to the fridge.

“Hello, Dean” Eileen said. Dean stopped and turned around. He tried to remember the sign for “Good morning” and did his best with the movements he thought were correct. Out of everything he had been learning ‘good morning’ was one of the few things that wasn’t sticking. Sam and Eileen laughed at his attempt.

Eileen shook her head and signed “Good morning” to Dean.

“Right!” Dean signed it correctly to her and she gave him a thumbs up, “I’ll get it. I’m trying,” Jack's mouth was full of their favorite cereal so all he got was a smile from them.

“Hey Dean, are you alright?” Sam asked, looking at Dean’s face in concern. Eileen looked from Sam to Dean.

“I had the weirdest dream last night,” Dean opened the fridge and looked around for anything he could eat. Dean pulled out a pizza box that felt like there was a piece or two left in it from two nights ago, “You and I were on a hunt together. These Vamps were wearing skull masks for some reason and they were abducting children and ripping out their parents tongues. We fought them and I got killed by one of them slamming me into a nail on one of the posts in a barn,” Dean pulled a piece of pizza out of the box and took a bite.

"I didn't try to save you?" Jack asked tilting his head and frowning slightly. Dean couldn’t help but see the resemblance of Cas.

"You weren't there for some reason," Dean said around the food in his mouth. Part of him felt like he should be setting a better example for Jack but they still had the same brain and memories as they had since they were born and Dean wasn't a great role model to begin with so he didn't care.

“Vamps?” Sam looked confused, “wearing masks?”

Dean swallowed before speaking again, “Yeah apparently it was one of Dad’s old cases he never closed. It was in his journal,”

“But Dad didn’t even know Vamps were around anymore until years after he stopped writing in his journal,”

Dean took another bite of the pizza “It was a dream. It didn’t have to make sense. Something else weird, you died of old age in my dream and let me tell you-” Dean swallowed, “you need to cut your hair or something because it looks so bad when you’re older and it’s grey. It looked like you were wearing a wig from Party City or something. It was just a whole mess,” Eileen laughed at the look on Sam’s face, “Also-” Dean pointed at Eileen’s seven month pregnant stomach, “You named your child after me?” he asked it in a suggestive way, grinning at the two of them.

“No. We have both picked a name we like and whichever one we feel fits the baby best when he’s born will be the name,” Sam looked at Dean, “Neither of which are your name,”

“Did I age well in your dream?” Eileen signed a few words as she spoke.

“I don’t know. From what I remember you were blurred in the background, at least I think you were. Other than that you weren’t there,” Dean chuckled, “Probably a good thing, Sam really did not age well,” Eileen laughed.

“Ok, Dean,” Sam said sarcastically, “And that isn’t what I was talking about when I asked if you’re alright,” Dean slowed his eating and looked away from Sam, “I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to upset you,”

“Then don’t say anything,” Dean said in a gruff angry voice. He set down his pizza with some force.

“It’s just-” Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes, “It’s the two year anniversary since Cas was taken,” Sam softened their voice slightly. Dean heard Jack let out a deep breath.

“Drop it, Sam,” Dean set his hands on the corners of the counter leaned heavily down on them.

“No, I am not going to drop it. Last year you basically drank yourself to sleep on the floor. I had to stay with you all night to make sure you were alright,” Dean hung his head down, keeping his eyes closed.

“I’m fine,” Dean cleared his throat.

Sam sighed, “No you’re not,”

Dean opened his eyes and looked down at the counter in front of him. He thought about the amount of alcohol he drank the night before to help him into today and the amount of alcohol he was already planning on drinking tonight to get him through the pain, “No I’m not,” he said softly.

“You don’t have to go on this hunt. I just thought it might help. You’ll be done and back in just a few hours,”

Dean looked over at Sam, “It’s ok. I can do it,” he stood up and took a deep breath, “I can help,”

“Are you sober enough to be driving?”

“Yes,” Dean looked away from Sam, “no promises for when I get back though,”

“Dean-”

“About the case?” Dean interrupted Sam from saying anything else. Sam and Eileen shared a look.

\---  
The loud purr of Baby’s engine was the only sound Dean heard as he drove. He wanted to put on music to distract himself but he didn’t want to stop thinking about Cas. He tried to hold back his tears as much as he could, “You didn’t have to come with me,” Dean muttered.

“I wanted to,” Sam smiled at his brother.

“Yeah,” Dean said sarcastically, “You haven’t left Eileen’s side in over a month or helped on an actual hunt since you have known she was pregnant,” Dean breathed heavily, “What makes me so special?”

"Eileen will be fine. Jack's there to help her if she needs anything,"

"I don't know if you noticed but lately Jack isn't in the best shape to be helping adults with things"

Sam sighed “I’m worried about you, Dean,”

“No. No, I don’t want to talk about this,” Dean reached for the radio but Sam grabbed his hand and pulled it away.

“No, we are talking about it. We promised to talk to each other about things like this,” Dean ripped his hand angrily from Sam’s grip and put it back on the steering wheel, clutching it tightly, “I’m your brother and I’m worried about you. Remember, I know what you’re going through,”

Dean sighed, “I know. You’ve told me,”

“Then why haven’t you been listening?”

“Because at least you had time together with Jessica,” Dean stared out the front window. He didn’t want to look at Sam. He knew if he did he wouldn’t be able to hold it together, “It was too late. For both of us,” Dean cleared his throat. He wanted to talk more and knew it would be good for him to but he also knew if he did then he'd have a breakdown and it wasn't the time for that, “We’re almost there,” he reached over and turned on the radio. Sam didn’t stop him this time. Some rock music blared through the speakers but Dean paid no attention to it. His mind wandered through the thousands of things he thought of doing with Cas if he was still alive. They’d buy a house. Cas would have his own garden. He’d come home from work and Cas would be there. They’d eat dinner together and watch old movies as a couple, not just as friends. Dean would cook for Cas, even if he couldn’t actually taste it. They’d be happy. They’d be alive. They’d be together. Dean’s heart ached for what he could have had.

A thought crossed Dean’s mind. He lingered on it for a second before pushing it away. No. He wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t. But the thought stayed in the back of his mind, he could feel it there. Part of him wanted to welcome it. After a few minutes of fighting to keep it away he let it slip back to the forefront of his mind.

They were hunting a Djinn.

Djinns grant wishes.

\---  
Dean opened his eyes. He couldn’t remember falling asleep.

Or where he was.

Dean quickly sat up, ready to reach for his gun but all he felt were pajamas. He was sitting in a bed but he wasn’t in a motel or the bunker. He was in a house. Who’s house? He looked down at the person on the other side of the bed who was waking up and his heart stopped.

“Dean?” Cas asked, his eyes fluttering open, “Dean what’s wrong?”

Dean couldn’t move, he was staring into Cas’s eyes. Either nothing was happening in his head or everything was, either way Dean couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“Are you ok?” Cas sat up, looking worried. He reached over and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean’s heart was pounding.

“Yeah, I’m ok,” He breathed, “I’m ok. I just,” he swallowed, “I-I just had a nightmare,” he couldn’t take his eyes off Cas. The man was so beautiful even in the darkness of the room. Cas moved closer to him and put his arm around his shoulders.

“What was the nightmare about?” Cas leaned into Dean. His breath caught. Tears started forming in his eyes. Something about this felt wrong, but everything in him was screaming to ignore that. He wanted this. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his own arms around Cas.

“Nothing important,” Dean looked down at Cas who was looking up at him with his big blue eyes. Cas was so close to him. His head tilted to the side a little and watched as a tear fell from Dean’s eyes.

“Obviously it was,” he said in the softest voice. Cas started to lean forward and it took Dean a second to realize Cas was about to kiss him. Dean didn’t move as Cas came closer. Nothing was registering in his head other than the sound of his own heart echoing so loudly he was sure Cas could hear it.

Dean couldn’t react fast enough before he heard a baby crying from another room. Cas stopped, inches from his lips, and sighed, “I’ll get Jack,” Cas pulled away from Dean. It took everything in him to not grab his arm and bring him back to him. Just to feel the kiss. To feel Cas’s face pressed against his. To fill the longing coming from a dark hole in his chest. Cas got off the bed and looked back at Dean, “We can talk when Jack’s back asleep, ok?”

“Jack?” Dean listened to the baby’s cries and his eyes darted to the door that led to the hall.

“Yes, Jack. Our child,” Cas looked more concerned at Dean, “That nightmare really messed with you, didn’t it?”

“No,” Dean chuckled, “No, I’m ok,” Dean quickly stood up and walked around the bed, “Let’s go see our child,”

“Are you sure?” Cas touched Dean’s arm in the most caring way he could and Dean felt his heart melt, “You’re sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah,” Dean grinned, “Yeah. I’m awesome,” Cas smiled back at Dean and walked out of the room. Dean followed right behind him. The walls of the hallway were lined with pictures, from the ones Dean saw they were of him and Cas... and two children. One of the children was a very small baby wrapped in a light blue blanket. In the picture the baby was held by a little girl with blonde hair and a big smile on her face. Dean didn’t need any more to know who was holding Jack, “Claire,”

Cas had already gone into one of the rooms and, from the sound of it, was trying to calm Jack down. There was another door on the other side of the hallway with a paper taped to it. On the paper was the name ‘Claire’ in big glitter letters. The handwriting gave away that Claire herself must have written it and where it was on the door showed that Claire had also taped it there herself. The door of Jack’s room had a similar paper but it said ‘Baby Jack’ with a few hearts around the name. Dean’s eyes started swelling with tears as he saw the one on the door of the room he and Cas had come out of. ‘Daddy and Daddy’ was surrounded by hearts just like Jack’s was.

This wasn’t real. Dean had figured it out from the start. Standing in the hallway, he remembered more than he wanted. This was the workings of a Djinn. That’s what he and Sam were fighting before Sam got knocked out and the Djinn got a hold of him.

Sam had gotten knocked out. Dread overpowered Dean. The other hunter was under the Djinn’s spell, too. And so were all those other people. He had to save them. He couldn’t stay. Just five more minutes.

Dean walked over to Jack’s bedroom. He looked in at Cas holding the fussy baby and softly bouncing up and down. Cas looked up as he walked in, “I think Jack’s hungry,” he whispered.

“Can I hold them?” Dean asked softly, looking down at the small baby in Cas’s arms.

“Sure. I’ll get a bottle,” Cas slowly transferred Jack into Dean’s arms and left the room. Dean started bouncing and looked lovingly down at Jack. Even when crying, Jack was a beautiful baby. Dean could already see the resemblance of Cas in them. His heart warmed looking down at the small bundle of life in his arms.

Cas came back in the room with the bottle and handed it to Dean. Dean carefully moved Jack to one of his arms and held the bottle to their mouth. Jack slowly stopped crying and started drinking.

“That was easy,” Dean smiled and looked at Cas. This wasn’t real but it didn’t matter to him. He wanted to enjoy the moment while he could. He’ll be in here for a few more minutes then he’ll leave. Just a few more minutes.

“You’re so good with children,” Cas moved behind him and put his head on Dean’s shoulder, looking down at Jack. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s stomach, “What’s wrong?”

Dean hadn’t noticed he had tears streaming down his face, “Nothing,” he blinked away some of the tears, “I’m just so happy right now,” his breath catched. He looked over at Cas and smiled. Cas met his eyes and responded with his warm, comforting smile.

Dean looked back down at his arms and everything seemed to stop, “Where did Jack go?” he looked over at the empty crib, “Where did Jack go?” looking around he noticed that things were starting to disappear. No! No! He wasn’t done yet! A few more minutes! Please! “Cas!” Dean turned around to see Cas still standing in the room. He rushed towards him but right as he was going to wrap his arms around him, Cas disappeared, “No! Cas! CAS!” Dean felt a strong pull and everything disappeared, leaving him in darkness.

Dean opened his eyes and was greeted by the concerned face of Sam, “Dean!” he said loudly, “Wake up, Dean!” Dean could only let out a groan. Sam sighed in relief and rolled Dean onto his back.

“You couldn’t have given me five more minutes?” Dean mumbled angrily as best he could and was helped up by Sam. He tried to step forward but his legs were numb and he fell against his brother.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I had to,” Dean looked down as he regained his footing and saw the dead body of the Djinn lying on the ground.

“Yeah, I know. Let’s help the others,” Dean pulled out his knife and walked to the hunter while Sam went to the other couple of people there. The hunter fell against Dean once he cut him loose. He opened his eyes and looked up at him.

“Did you get them?” he groaned.

“Them?” The hunter tried to steady himself but a cough nearly brought him to his knees.

“Dean look out!” Sam shouted just in time for Dean to see another Djinn jump at him. Dean dropped the hunter and slashed his knife at him. The Djinn jumped out of the way and grabbed his wrist.

Dean could tell the Djinn’s mission was not to put him under another spell but to kill him. Dean and the Djinn wrestled over the knife before the Djinn won and plunged the knife through Dean’s rib cage and right into his heart. White hot pain erupted through him but he had already started to go numb.

“No!” Sam yelled as he stabbed the Djinn with his own knife, killing him instantly. Dean fell to the cold floor, he already wasn’t processing anything. He knew he had seconds before he was gone but at least everyone was saved. Nothing else mattered. As long as they were able to save the people. He could go peacefully, “Dean!” Dean tried to answer but he was already slipping. Going into the void of nothing before he died. Sound stopped but not before he heard Sam call out a name but the name meant nothing to him as he slipped away.

“JACK!”

\---  
Dean woke up laying on his bed in the bunker. He had a massive headache but it slowly faded away. He could hear faint voices coming from the hallway outside his closed door. Dean closed his eyes again, hoping to fall back asleep but he could tell that he wasn’t going to be able to so he sat up. Dean grabbed the beer bottle he had put next to his bed earlier and downed what little was left of it. He was just about to get out of bed and get more alcohol when his door opened. Jack walked in, “Hello!” the five-year-old said cheerfully, raising their hand up, “How are you feeling?” Jack walked over to Dean. Sam and Eileen came in behind them.

“I’m ok,” Dean hid his bottle under his blankets, “Thank you for coming, kid. You saved me,” Dean smiled at Jack, “You did good,”

“I’m glad I got there in time,” Jack climbed up on the edge of Dean’s bed, they had some trouble as they were about the same height the bed was but they'd climbed up enough to know they could do it by themself. Dean swung his legs off the bed so Jack would have more room, “Sorry it took me so long, I was taking a nap when Sam prayed,”

“That’s alright, little children need their naps,” Dean looked over as Sam and Eileen walked around his bed so they were in front of him. Sam helped Eileen sit down on the desk chair. Dean pointed at the bed to ask if she wanted to sit there but she waved the offer aside.

“Amara also had to come down, using that much power in a body this small was exhausting,” Jack looked at themself, “That’s why you didn’t wake up immediately,”

“Help or not, I’m proud of you,” Dean’s heart warmed at the way he said that made Jack as happy as it did.

“Amara already left but she’s going to bring me back into heaven in a few days. We think it’s been enough time since I made the last angel,” Miracle came running into the room and jumped on the bed. Jack beckoned him over to them and he laid down, leaning against Jack.

“Do you know who’s going to become the new angel?” Eileen asked.

“Amara has a long list of souls,” Jack was rubbing Miracle’s head softly.

A soft ringing of a phone rang through the halls. Sam caught Eileen’s attention, “Someone’s calling on one of the phones, I need to go get it,” Eileen nodded as Sam left the room.

He came back a few minutes later to get Eileen so she could help him with some lore on a monster a hunter was unsure about. He showed her a picture of a claw he had been sent. Eileen was good with identifying monsters even with only a small part of them.

“Guess what I learned about today!” Jack said excitedly as they left.

Dean sat for a while as he listened to the child explain to him all they knew about puffer fish and how they were surprised normal people knew about them because they seemed like they should be a monster.

Dean knew he was happy with what he had now. Given all circumstances this was one of the better outcomes. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t mourn what could have been.

\---  
Dean stared at the clock, wishing it would speed up to morning so he wouldn’t have to deal with the next few hours. Two years ago this night exactly was the night he lost Cas.

Dean had waited months with hope for Cas to come back, like he always did. Every knock on the door, every ring of the phone, made his heart leap with anticipation, hoping that it was the man he loved on the other end asking to be let in or picked up. Jack and Amara had said they were trying from the beginning but after a long time he couldn’t help but lose hope as the days turned to weeks, to months, to now years.

Dean remembered the last year on the anniversary. He was so lost in grief he drank himself to sleep. That was the night he first actually talked about what had happened when Cas was taken. The first time he had told anyone what the angel said. His brain was fuzzy from the alcohol, but he remembered that conversation very clearly.

A year ago Dean had been laying on the floor, tears streaming across his face. His thoughts were jumbled and confused by the amount of alcohol he had consumed in a short amount of time but not even all of that could keep his thoughts away from Cas. It felt as if his heart had been clawed out by rusty nails. He reached above his head and rolled a liquor bottle closer to him, put it against his lips and tried to get down anything that was left. He had lost count of how many bottles he had made it through but his vision was too blurry from the tears and intoxication for him to count the empty bottles surrounding him.

A loud pounding caused Dean to cover his ears in pain, “Hey, Dean, are you ok?” Sam’s voice carried through the door but was hardly heard by Dean. He couldn’t get himself to answer. Saying anything was like getting stabbed in the stomach repeatedly. Dean heard the door open and for a second he thought about what he could do to hide what was happening but then gave up, there was no point. He didn’t care anymore, “Dean!” Sam shouted and was across the room in two strides and on the floor behind him, “Dean what are you-” Sam pulled Dean closer to them by the shoulders so they could see Dean’s face. Dean looked up to his brother and tried to blink away his tears.

“Heya, Sammy. You’re home early,” Dean managed to mumble, “Watch out. There is glass everywhere,”

“I know,” Sam looked at the floor around them, “I saw,” Sam stepped over Dean so they were in front of him. Dean closed his eyes, the movement made his head spin, “Let’s get you to your bed,” Sam reached for the empty bottle in Dean’s hand but he only gripped it tighter.

“I miss Cas,” Dean sobbed. Saying his name broke him even more.

“I know,” Sam said, “I know. I miss him, too,” Sam grabbed one of Dean’s hands as he was getting ready to lift him up.

“No,” Dean squeezed his eyes shut, “No you don’t understand,” Sam hoisted Dean up into a sitting position. The room around him spun and it took him a second to reconnect himself, “I love him, Sam,” Dean mumbled out. The words felt wrong from his mouth but he knew they were right. He has never openly admitted to loving Cas before. Cas should have been the first one to know but given the circumstances he was glad Sam was the one who got to hear it first. Sam stopped for a second and looked at their brother. Dean’s vision was too blurry to see what the expression was on his face, “I love him,” Dean tried to take another drink from the empty glass bottle but Sam took it from him, “No!” Dean groaned and reached for it but stopped as he started to fall over. Sam quickly caught him and set him back up.

“It’s ok, Dean. I understand,” Sam picked Dean up to his feet. Dean couldn’t stand steady long enough and fell against Sam. He let out another sob, “I know it hurts.”

“He loved me, too,” Dean gasped in pain, “He loved me back,” He tightened his grip on Sam’s arm and tried to follow Sam directing him to his bed, “He told me he loved me that’s why the Empty got him. He had made a deal with the Empty to get him when he felt a moment of true happiness and he waisted that moment on me,” Sam set him down so he was sitting on the edge of his bed. Dean didn’t let go of Sam’s arm and pulled him down so he was closer to his face and could hear his quiet voice, “He died before I could tell him I love him back. He died now knowing I love him back. He never thought I loved him back. He didn’t know he was loved when he died,” Sam stayed silent, “I wish I could tell him. I wish I had told him. Years ago. We could have been together. We could have had a life. We could have had something but I didn’t. He didn’t. And look where that got us! It got me alone again and it got him dead!” Dean raised his voice as he spoke until he was yelling, “He never knew,” Dean whispered, his voice trembling. He let go of Sam and fell back onto his bed, new tears still forming and falling from his eyes. Sam helped move him so he was lying on his side. Dean clenched his eyes tightly and felt a blanket getting thrown over him.

“I’ve given up,” Dean muttered. He closed his eyes tightly, “I’ve lost all hope,”

Dean heard Sam stop walking, “What do you mean?”

“It’s been a year. A whole year. We have torn this whole place apart book by page- no, page by page, artifact by artifact... me way more times than you, and we have found nothing to save him. Jack and Amara stopped giving us updates months ago and Jack didn’t say anything when I asked. What do you think that means? It’s 24 hours for a missing person’s chance of being found to drop to nothing. I give it a year for that to work for bringing angels back from the Empty,” Dean was slurring most of the words together and hoping he was actually making any sense, but Sam seemed to understand.

“We’re doing everything we can. Don’t give up hope yet. We’ll get him”

“How do you know that?”

There was a short pause, “Get some rest,” Sam said softly while removing Dean’s shoes, “I’ll clean this up and bring you some water,”

“I miss him, Sam,” Dean cried softly.

“I know,”

“I killed him,”

“That wasn’t your fault,”

“To Hell it wasn’t!” Dean tried to push himself up but was unsuccessful, flopping down on his back, “I couldn’t save him,” Dean breathed in heavily. Sam pushed him back onto his side and placed pillows behind him so he wouldn’t roll, “I couldn’t save him,”

“It was his decision, Dean,”

“A decision he didn’t have to make! I could have figured something else out! Something that got us both out alive! He deserves to be alive. He deserves that so much more than I do,” Sam responded something but Dean was already falling asleep, “Cas-” Dean began but sleep had already taken control of his body.

Dean shook his head to get rid of the memory, it only hurt him more. He was about to lift his first bottle to his lips when he heard the soft tapping on his door, “Dean?” he heard Jack whisper through, “Dean?” there was a slight tremor in their voice. Dean jumped out of bed and ran to the door, pulling it open as fast as he could. He looked down at Jack. Tears were streaming down their cheeks and they were clinging tightly to their stuffed teddy bear that was more than half their height. Dean lowered himself down to his knees so he could look them in the face.

“Woah, what’s wrong, buddy?” Dean kept his voice down and started to look over Jack to make sure they weren't hurt.

“I had a nightmare,” Jack wiped some tears away and extended their other arm out to Dean, still clutching their stuffed teddy bear in their tiny hand.

“I’m so sorry, buddy,” Dean lifted them into his arms as he stood up and walked back into his room. Jack wrapped their arms around Dean’s neck and cried some more. Dean sat down on his bed and leaned against his bed post, gently rubbing Jack’s back, “It’s ok. Everything’s ok right now. I got you. You’re safe,” Dean said softly. He wrapped Jack into a hug and held it for a moment, “Do you want to tell me what the nightmare was about?”

Jack let go of Dean and sat down. There were still tears in their eyes but they had calmed down enough to speak, “I dreamt that you, Sam, Eileen, Jody, Claire, just everyone d-died,” their voice trembled at the last word. They looked at Dean with the saddest expression he had ever seen on the child.

“When we all die you’re making sure we all make it to Heaven. There’s nothing wrong with us dying,” Dean smiled but his words didn’t reassure the kid like he had hoped. The only response he got was Jack shaking their head vigorously, “Are we not… going to Heaven?”

“Not in my nightmare,” Jack wiped a few more tears away, “Everyone went to The Empty. I couldn’t save anyone. I lost all of you f-forever,” Jack started crying again so Dean pulled them back into his arms, squeezing him tightly.

“That’s not going to happen,” Dean cradled Jack’s small body against him, wishing he could take all the kid’s memories from them so they could be like an actual child without having gone through adulthood first. He wanted Jack to have the innocence a five-year-old should have but no matter how much he begged, Amara said they needed to keep their memories so they’d be ready the moment they became old enough to start helping in Heaven again, “Amara is not going to let that happen,”

“Amara went to The Empty, too. It was just me, as I am now, trying to run the whole universe,” Jack was shaking with fear.

“That won’t happen either,” Dean pulled out of the hug so he could look Jack in the eyes, “You and Amara are too powerful, even if we did go into The Empty I know you are more than strong enough to get us all out with your hands tied behind your back,”

“But I couldn’t even get Cas,” Jack’s little voice broke and it felt like a blow to Dean’s heart.

“You- you actually tried to get Cas?” Dean frowned and closed his eyes for a second to try to collect his thoughts.

“It was the first thing Amara and I did,” Jack grabbed the tissue box Dean kept near his bed for this exact reason and blew their nose, “We have no power over The Empty, no one does,”

Dean breathed heavily against his hurting heart. Even though he had already given up hope a long time ago it was still painful to hear that there was no hope at all, “Thank you for trying,”

“We tried so much while we were fixing Heaven,” Jack was cuddling their teddy bear, “But we couldn’t get the one thing we needed,”

“What was the one thing?”

“We are two all powerful cosmic beings but neither of us could find even a speck of Cas’s blood he left on this planet,” Dean almost stopped breathing, “The one thing I needed to save my dad and I couldn’t do it. I-”

“Jack stop talking,” Dean muttered. His mind was racing, almost so much that he hadn’t heard what they were saying. Dean looked back at Jack, so serious that he startled them, “Will dried blood work?”

Jack’s eyes widened, “Yes. Any blood works,” they breathed.

Dean leapt out of the bed and ran to his closet. The cardboard box sitting on the top shelf had been staring him down everyday for the past two years, filled with haunting memories of Cas. Dean’s first instinct was to burn it as if he were burning Cas’s body but he had felt too sentimental and couldn’t get himself to even wash it. Dean pulled the box down and blew the thick layer of dust off the top as it had remained untouched since he had put it up there two years ago. Jack crawled over to the end of the bed where Dean set it down. He breathed heavily as he opened it and pulled out his jacket he had been wearing the day Cas had been taken by the Empty.

Dean stared at the bloody red handprint standing out so much from the green of the jacket. He carefully set it down in front of Jack, new tears of hope already forming in the child’s eyes, “Is that enough?” Dean hadn’t realized he was crying, too.

“That’s more than enough,” Jack whispered, their tiny hand hovering over the handprint as if afraid it would disappear if they laid even a finger on it. Dean heard the flapping of small wings and Jack was gone, probably already in Heaven with Amara.

Dean wiped the tears off his face, he hadn’t felt this light in a long time. All the hope he had abandoned as useless was allowed back in. It was overwhelming, “Sam!” Dean yelled. He blinked and quickly ran into the hall, “Sam!” he yelled again running as fast as he could to Sam and Eileen’s room, “Sam!” Sam bolted out of his room, gun in his hand.

“What’s wrong?” Sam looked around and was startled to see his brother in the condition he was.

“We’re going to get Cas back,” Dean said barely above a whisper. The words felt too foreign on his tongue to be true.

“What? How?” Sam lowered the gun.

“The handprint... Jack!” Dean couldn’t get a full sentence out, his mind was racing too fast.

“Sam?” Eileen said from inside the room, “What’s going on?”

“Come in here and tell us everything,” Sam pulled Dean inside the room and turned on the light.

“I’m going to do it,” Dean already decided, “I’m going to save Cas,”


End file.
